Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Attention Walmart Shoppers!!!

I have a confession to make.

I, Haute Mama, went to Walmart yesterday.

Now before you judge me, (and think I have low IQ) hear me out.

My dad, whom I call Arthur, (Jerry Stiller King of Queens) turned 65 and wanted to load up at Walmart of all places. He thought there would be major senior discounts.

And noooooo we just couldn't go to any Walmart, Arthur wanted to go the one of the biggest Walmarts---at Capilano Mall.

He was so excited, he even scoped it out on Google Earth!

It's not that I'm anti-Walmart or anything..well ok I am.

I'm just not a quantity over quality kinda person. Arthur thinks I'm a snob 'cause I said i would NEVER buy food or clothes there for myself or anyone I care about. Even the BH said, "don't buy any baby clothes for Zara there".

See, he's a better human than I, and even he wouldn't buy his precious angel clothes there.

So, of course Arthur has to practilly buy a whole new wardrobe and load up on nasty Kelloggs granola bars. Just because he's Arthur. Too me, anything with a polyester blend is nasty or laced with that hydrogented crap in it.

He evn wanted to buy the kids shirts with Walmart written on it. The funny thing is, my 13 year old thought that would of been "kewl" of the coffin dodger to do. (kids these days.. love anything stupid on a shirt)

Whew. Thank GOD I talked him out of buying runners there. That was close.

Arthur even wanted me to go into labour and deliver the baby at Walmart so I could be on TV for the world to see HAUTE MAMA shops at Walmart and Zara could be hailed "Walmart Baby" and get a lifetime free of Walmart clothes.

Yikes. Can you imagine? To be dubbed Walmart Mama instead of Haute Mama? My precious image would be ruined!

Anyhoo, I'm sure Arthur thought the joke was on me because I spent more than him.

I bought diapers, a funky baby tub, sundries and a crepe maker.

I must of saved $50!!

And psssst Arthur, I'm not even a senior ;p

Friday, May 26, 2006

Vanity Fair

I felt like racy Demi Moore in spirit yesterday...minus the Red Bull + cigarettes!!

I went full frontal for maternity shots!!!
(and yeees I'm a demiologist)

While my BH observed...wwweelll he was in a few but the photographer and I had to twist his concrete laden arm to take his shirt off, but he did it! (you'd think most guys would strip down at the door, but Kim said it's common that the men are shy)

And it's true, my BH is not as hedonistic as my selfish self, which is partly why I call him my better half..although he did admit 24 hours later that he enjoy watching...what guy wouldn't?

WHY would I pose in the full monty when I'm full figured, you ask??

I think it's hip to glamourize pregnancy!!

And let's be's a miracle and it goes by so quickly and I wanted to mark a cornerstone in my life. I want to show my daughter how proud I am to be pregnant with her. That I'm proud of my body, proud to be carrying a child and the natural beauty of it. I wanted to capture the strength, transformation and beauty of pregnancy. I feel sexier too! My skin is softer, curvier and I have a special glow. (I did not have the confidence when i was pregnant with my first three in my late teens/early 20's)

And I've gained almost 30 lbs, go FIGURE!!

Upon entering the studio, I had a trust connection immediately with the photographer, Kim. She is uber likeable and has an awesome sense of humour. ( We looked through some photo albums to give her an idea of our genre. She gave me a slinky kimono to slip into, fiddled with the lighting and then it was striptease time ...

The session was 2 hours long but full of fun and quirks! She wrapped me in a few different garments, pulled out the boa-which looked smashing with my gold slip-on heels I must say...

For a few frames, I was in the lotus position with a full-on torso view. I had a moment of anxiety. I looked down at my boobs to make sure they looked as perky as possible w/o a bra and was mortified! One of my nipples was HUGE compared to the other!!?? I begged her to turn the fan on, which helped turn the high beams on.

WTF was up with that anyways???

The piece de resistance though, was when she took some shots of my tattoo on my back. She asked me to lie down on my side, with my backside facing her. She then was guiding me to straighten one leg, bend the other, move ahead (i felt like Devo)..and as some of you can understand with having a Buddha belly, it was alittle awkward to strike a perfect balance on your side...

Soooo feeling like an uncordinated feeb, I just folded forward in the fetus position and LMAO! What a pretty sight. Here I was... stuck, naked, with my BFA sticking out...all gimped on the floor. I felt like such a helpless pathetic loser!! My BH and Kim were in hysterics too. Kim's like "ahh Cory, could you help us out?" We had to take a breather. I couldn't stop laughing like a psycho for about 5 mintues....ohhh good (humbling+hedonistic) times..

So, my almost 18 yr old son says last night, "ahhh mom, where are you going to display these pix"? I said, "in the livingroom above the marble fireplace of course".

LOL. Kidding. Our bedroom and maybe a conservative one in the nursery.

Ohhhh now there's a good reality show...Canada's TOP naked maternity models!!

I shall post a tasteful pix in about a week when I get them..check back if you dare!

Monday, May 22, 2006


I met an enigmatic woman yesterday, I am still trying to figure her out. Firstly, she homeschools all FOUR of her kids. Ya, quite the maverick.

Ok, let me explaino...

I was at a friend from highschool son's 3rd b-day shrine. There must of been 20 kids there, it was like the MJ Thriller video!!

I brought my daughters with me as body guards. We wore our matching wonder woman bracelets. We were prepared. And besides, I told them it'll be a very good (babysitting) advertising venue for them. It was! We were giving out our phone # like was like we were almost cool!! Ok ok, I'm getting off track as usual..

So, I spotted this amazingly radiant woman from across the room, she had this glowing orange aura. I thought, I have to know her!! I practilly did a jette from across the room and introduced myself. We hit it off, and chatted like old friends from our past lives. She just had a baby 2 weeks ago, (her fourth too!) and when i asked her about her L&D, that's when she uttered the most wacky of wackiest things I've ever heard.

"I LOVE LABOUR"!!! she chirped, with such passion!

I said, "ahh scuzza me, did you just say, I love labour"? "YES I DID" she sang. I had to ask, "why would you loooove labour"?? That's when she nearly burst, "well, it's so exciting because you know what's coming"!!! And I'm thinking, "ya, a ring of fire followed by a load of bricks". (i'm such a realist)

And with the most loving energy in her blue eyes, she leans over and squeals, "your beautiful baby"!!

She then went into doula mode and offered some sound advice, "just go with the flow Jen", don't fight it". "relax and it'll happen faster". Now, if that were my male doc telling me that, I'd bark, "easy for you to say". But, she JUST had a baby 2 weeks ago, had a short L&D and who knows, maybe Dr. Gabor Mate is right about his book theory. "When The Body Says No".

I figure it's worth a try. There was something so surreal about her. Have you ever met anyone like that? Like she was an angel sent to this party just for me!

I can honestly say I didn't welcome the labour pains with my first three, and my labours weren't as short as I would of liked them to be.

So, let this be an experiment! I'll try and involve my yoga practise of relaxation and acceptance into my L+D experience and see if it works. Shall advise. What have I got to lose? It's going to happen, mind as well enjoy the pain. Ohhh I know!! If i do end up opting for an epidural, I'll get another tattoo while I'm at it...


Saturday, May 20, 2006

Jacob's GRAD!

Here we are at Hotel Vancouver last night to celebrate Jay's grade 12 graduation. Hard to believe really, BLINK.

That is Bianca, so pretty in pink!

And not to be a drama mama, but babes due date is the same week of his actual ceremonies!! I'll keep my legs crossed that my water doesn't break...can you imagine?

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Happy Mama's Day!

This image illuminates the marrow of maternal love. I feel very blessed to be the mum of 3 loving souls, and baby will make 4!

Oh.My.GOD. I think I'm dropping!!!

I think we're going to have a Gemini..wouldn't Father's Day be cool?

ps-that's my lil moms day rock garden we made :)

Thursday, May 11, 2006

I LOVE being pregnant!

I'm one of those weirdos that loves being pregnant. I love my Buddha belly (and full breasts) and love the affection I'm receiving. My BH is the king of compliments, but I must admit I'm tickled by strangers friendliness since I've been knocked up! It's like I have a "I'm not a snob" tattoo on my fivehead.

Like today, I was out on the North Shore (dolly had a dance comp) and while she was practising for the show, I went for a stroll down Lonsdale to Bucks. They had samples out of their raspberry lemon loaf (it's baaack!) and of course baby wanted a nibble.

Anyways, I was eyeing a second sample and this guy waiting for his coffee too said "go for it, you're so beautiful"!! Talk about a random warm & fuzzy!! How sweet.

And women...the type who would normally give me a "you don't look old enough to have teenagers look" are flashing me a Dentyne's sooo cool. Why can't we all be like that pregnant or not?

I'm going to miss being knocked up..

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

The Clan (and one more of the way!)

Here is our happy Hill clan at Jericho last summer right before we decided to go for #4. Why you ask? When we already have three teens and we can see the light at the end of the tunnel?

Surprizingly, some friends who we've known us forever have asked us the same question. It seems obvious to us, we want a pyramid of Hillbilles!!

To be quite honest, it has been quite the journey coming to the decision. I'd like to share our success story with others, in hopes of creating some awareness surrounding infertilty. Please don't read any further if you're one of those humans who judge on candidness ... this is TMI but I have an open heart and want to help others who might be on the same path.

I already know of an infertile couple with the same issue who had never heard of the procedure, (until we crossed paths) and they are now on the their way to being parents!

So, heres the synopsis...having 3 kids (being kids ourselves) we decided that my BH should have the big V when our youngest was under 1. In hindsight, we should of taken more time for such a permament decision. Lesson #1

Well, five years later we started thinking that maybe we'd like another child and so my BH had an unsuccessful VR a few years later. (scar tissue) Lesson #2

We went through a mixed bag of emotions but a couple of years later decided to make an appt with Genesis to discuss our options. The procedure seemed overwhelming to me initially..needles, nosespray, hormone meds that Akeelah couldn't even spell yikes!

I remember laughing hysterically in the clinic thinking this must a joke, there must be a hidden camera! Being a selfish cow, I turned to my BH and said "I'm not even the infertile one"!! Besides, the stats weren't the greatest for the cost of the procedure. (10k!!)

Sooo..we took another couple years to think it over (yahoo + travel etc) and decided the timing was now or never. (Just had to have one more ranch trip!)

My cousin went through the same procedure (ICSI) and as a nurse she explained everything to me in laymens terms which helped ease my mind. I am more than happy to share the deets with anyone if they are curious. It's actually quite fascinating!

Well, I'm happy to say that it worked first try WAHOO!!! Lesson #3

They put two embyro's in, but only one went on to develop. They were great, they didn't prescribe me a tonne of hormones, knowing that I haven't had any infertility issues in the past.

So, here I am. Knocked up and due next month!!! We're very excited to meet our little angel, we went for a 4D ultrasound and found out we're having another girl!

As one lovely woman friend said, "she's a lucky girl, she's going to be very loved". Touche!!

All positive energy is welcomed...thanks for reading.

Sunday, May 07, 2006


For those of you who don't know me, I'm alittle unhinged. I have three teens and am expecting a baby next month. (yes planned) My BH (better half) and I are ecstatic. It's fun being unhinged. Everyday is full of surprizes when you're alittle wacky. We're also renovating the house, home projects are addicting! We have two quirky pugs Roxy (fawn) and Tyrone (black). And two gay canaries, Liberace and Elton John. They compose music all day and sing beautifully to eachother! Who needs Beethoven for Babies..

It's been awhile since I've been knocked up, 13 years to be exact. Who knew how expensive baby furniture was? (well, if you shop at Nesting Kids) And accessories? (if you want a Bugaboo Cameleon stroller and shop online at Tutti Bella and Holts) But I have to admit, we're having fun spending money on her nursery (instead of university) right now. After all, this is my favourite stage of childhood, prenatal!

I'm mid 30's and have never felt more ready to be a mom. Maybe it's because of my 18 years of experience of being a mom to three very different spirits. I like the challenge of being a stay at home mom. There's rarely been a dull moment. But when things do get kinda stale, I'll do something unhinged like take a pole dancing class. (My BH is embarressed by that-he's quite conservative haha) Or when i feel overwhelmed, I'll head up to the ranch with a g/f (or with my daughters) to reconnect with nature and come back feeling renewed and centered. Horses are healing. And I LOVE LOVE LOVE Spa Utopia! Aaron RULES.

OMG I just had another epiphany! I'll have a teen when i'm going through menopause, YIKES! Oh well, we'll both be miserable together...

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

To Blog or not to Blog?

I never thought of myself as a blogger, but here I am. I have to give my RMT most of the credit for turning me to the dark side.

We were on the blogging subject, and I made some comment to the effect of, "who would want to read my blog"? and he replied, "you'd be surprized Jenny".

I guess part of me was living in fear that no one would give a $hit about what I write. How demoralizing that would be, rejected on my own blog!

I guess you can say that I had this ephipany...that maybe having a blog would make me feel almost cool!